Being a guy who masturbates doesn't enter you into some kind of exclusive club; quite the opposite. Being male and masturbating in fact go hand in hand like bread and butter or Starsky and Hutch. We almost all do it and yet it's a clandestine operation none-the-less that requires us to his in the shadows waiting for the perfect time to strike. The lengths that most guys will actually go to in order to masturbate can be quite extreme - and I base this on reports from other male friends, not just from my own sordid and perverted experience. The purpose of this article then is to inform the women what's really going on when their backs and turned and to reassure the guys that we all go through the same process... You might even pick up some tips along the way.
As a wanker (sorry but that's what we are), there's no better time to do have a go than when you know everyone's left the house. If you live with your parents it's when they go to work, or if you live with a girlfriend or wife it's when they head off for a night out with the girls... leaving you alone on a night in with the other girls...
That's all fine and dandy but life can be tougher for the male masturbator when no one seems to want to leave the house. Alternatively you might find yourself on holiday, or a business trip for a week. That doesn't mean you don't still get urges though and that's when you're forced to start using more complicated tactics. I remember as a young guy I'd sometimes wank into my boxers so that I wouldn't get caught with my trousers down my ankles. You can then do this under the bed covers using the power of your imagination or a magazine hidden inside a copy of The Financial Times.
That still might not cover every situation and other times you will still find yourself having to hide your activities and mop after yourself in other ways. A male masturbator will often find himself using a sock as a makeshift condom, or even an actual condom for a wank when they have people snooping around the house. This can be useful as it means you don't have to suspiciously run to the bathroom with tissues.
Of course an alternative method is to actually wank in the bathroom but this comes with its own problems. Guys wanking in bathrooms have to either be contented to again use their imagination, or find a clever way to sneak a piece of wank material in there with them - a magazine, a photo... your computer? Paper can luckily be folded into your pocket but requires forethought and in today's day and age you can watch videos on tiny phone screens (although that can feel fairly unsatisfactory).
It can take an hour, or it can take under a minute. When we excuse ourselves from the table for five minutes we're very well having a quick wank. Women beware - the male masturbator is like a ninja and will stop at nothing.